The Scariest Night of My Life

03/20/2010 at 11:02 am (Uncategorized) ()

What follows is a diary (of sorts) I kept while in the hospital, back before Christmas 2009.

Wednesday, 2 December 2009    Day 1

It’s 8:45pm.  I’ve just been informed that I may very well have had a heart attack.  I was told such things were impossible with me nearly 30 years ago.  I can’t make plaque and if I could, the Arthrotec would desolve it.

So, I don’t know what to make of this…except that I’m scared shitless.

I’m here overnight, at least.  After that, who knows.

As it turned out, I had blood clots in my lungs.  It seems they’d migrated from my legs because of being in a wheelchair for nearly 5 years, smoking for more than 2 decades, and taking suplimental estrogen for nearly 2 decades.  No one with an M. D. was ever able to explain this, except to suggest that the blood cells sinply got sticky and stuck to each other clumping up.

*     *     *

Monday, 7 December 2009    Day 6 (entry #2)

5 days later…. I’m still alive…. Wow!  I feel more mortal than I have…ever.  To be honest, until Wednesday last week, I never actually felt truly mortal.  Knowledge of one’s mortality is truly (a) terrible thing!!!  I think in the “Garden of Eden”, the’ fruit’ came (from) the tree of (Knowledge of one’s) mortality.  Mortality, accepting one’s mortality, is the most terrible of all knowledge.  Knowledge of our mortality makes us fearful.  I HATE Being Fearful!!!!

*     *     *

Wednesday, 9 December 2009    Day 8 (entry# 3)

Questions…. Questions…. Questions.  Over the next year (10 – 12 months), I’m going to lose 200-225 lbs., walk again and get fit again, start writing again, learn everything there is to know about website design & programming and computer animation.  Basically, I need to change my life!  Including finding a way to earn a decent living (become self-reliant).

*     *     *

Saturday, 12 December 2009    Day 11 (Entry# 4)

I have to admit, I’m currently more concerned about the effects of the Warfarin, than I am about the clothing problem.

My major concern also, is the lack of access to my doctor (admitting/attending physician – rather than my family physician)).  I have questions that require answers from my doctor, and after waiting around for 2 days (Thursday & Friday) for him to appear, so that I can get the required answers.  So, how the hell do I get answers, if I’m not important enough for him to bother with.

On a good day, I believe doctors are an evil necessity.  Add to that, I HATE being ignored.  Basically, being in hospital, at the mercy of the whims of doctors, I was not having a good time!

*     *     *

Sunday, 13 December 2009    Day 12 (Entry# 5)

I finally saw the doctor.  Among other things, my transition is OVER.  So, that leaves me trapped in the middle!!!  He doesn’t want to help me lose weight…unless I want bariatric surgeryYet another MD who thinks the only way you get fat is by putting (large quantities) of food in your mouth and the ONLY way to lose it is to stop OVER-eating.  I just love ignorant doctors!!!  Life Sucks!!!  And now I’m very depressed!!!  So now, on top of everything else, I have to deal with the depression too!!!  FUCK!!!!  God, save me from ignorant doctors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*     *     *

Monday, 14 December 2009    Day 13 (Entry# 6)

Well, I’m not going home today.  Maybe tomorrow.  This is rediculous.  The doctor’s waiting for my INR to get to the right percentage…and, according to Norman, it’ll take upwards of 3 months to get it (Warfarin) regulated at an appropriate level.  So, why the delay???  Oh well, it’s a pain in the ass but, what can I do.  If I want follow-up care, which I need, then I have to put up with their bullshit.

*     *     *

Saturday, 19 December 2009    Day 18 (Entry# 7)

Apparently, I’m going home today.  Wahooh!!!  We’ll see.

And after 18 days, I went home, without home care.  On the subject of home care, I finally got home care, after I developed cellulirous…again, I needed an IV line for…22…days.  And I discovered that the walls of my vascular structures are calcified, meaning no flexibility…because of a blood pressure medication.  Ain’t that lovely!!  At any rate, that’s how I spent my Christmas.


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Why read my novels?

08/13/2009 at 10:11 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

What makes the Guardian Angel Saga different from other suspense thrillers?  Well, first of all Guardian Angel has both fantasy (characters which are Immortals) and science fiction (a character which is a sentient computer program, a Non-Corporeal Cybernetic Organism – a NiCCO, basically an android without a body) elements.  Second, it’s set in the current era (with all that implies).  Thirdly, the situations have political implication (including the possibility of cover-ups and spooks galore).  Oh, and then there’s the matter of several characters being lesbians.  And the last, and most important (to me, at least), difference is that in the Guardian Angel Saga, like all my series, the characters drive the action, rather than the other way round.  All of these things make my novels unique, however, the characters (including the NiCCO, Lisa, Jazz’s daughter), and the stories, are extremely relateable.

That gentle reader, is the why my novels deserve to be read, which means they need to, first, be published.  So, while is aimed at literary agents and publishers, I have received input from many average people (aka the book-buying-public) which has proved to be helpful in making the site much more attractive.  Enjoy your reading experience.

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Lost in the hinterlands

08/10/2009 at 5:53 am (Uncategorized) (, )

A couple of weeks ago I builta new website on Windows Live Small Business site.  I discovered yesterday that it could not be found by searching on Google, Yahoo!, or even Microsoft’s new Bing search, not even under my name or the name of the site.  All because to build the site, I use tools, rather than HTML and I didn’t know about the Search optimization section of Page Properties.  So I change the tags infor and the descprition.  We’ll see.  However, in the not to distance future, I’m going to choose a host where I can build the site from the ground up, Meta Tags and all.

You’d think I’d have figured out about the compromises inherent in using a hosting service’s tools, after all I did have a site on Geocities, and it attracted almost no attention either.  Oh well, gentle readers, Now that I have some experience under my belt, with hosting services,  and I’ve learned how to use HTML, XML, DHTML, XHTML, and JavaScript, I guess I oughta build my next website, the right way (for me), program it from the ground up.  Either it works, or it don’t.  If it don’t I fix it, cause at least I can see and manipulate the actual code that makes it work.

For what it’s worth, I think of websites, computer software, CGI kinda like the Wizard of Oz, What’s behind the curtain, in other words the actual code that makes it work, is far more interesting than the actual illusion of order.  I was a hell of a lot of fun at a magic show as a kid, I just had to figure out what made it work.  And it was the same whether it was the universe at large, or DNA, and everything in between.

And the lesson for today, never be frustrated by how things are, figure out how they work, and learn to fix it yourself.  And at that I will bid you, my readers, adieu.

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To Blog or Not To Blog

07/24/2009 at 6:13 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

Hello Gentle Readers.  Well, here we are, the new home of my blog.  I hope this will enlarge my readeship, and hope you, my Editorial Board, will check out my website at: and pass on your comments and criticisms.  Almost a decade ago, when I finally began writing my first novel, Point of Convergence, I thought that actually writing the novel wouold be the hardest part.  Then I started editing my novel.  Editing it was a whole lot harder than writing it.  Well, a year and a half later, I’d written my second novel and finished editing my first.  So, I figured it was time to look for an agent, and, ultimately,  a publisher.  And, more than 200 submissions, and 6 or 7 years, later, I’m still looking.

What I wonder, after reading some of the offerings from the new crop of writers, what’s wrong with my novels.  I realize my stories don’t easily fit into nice neat genre headings but, no editor, nor publishers rep has ever even asked to read more than the query letters I send them.  Not to be overly immodest, I honestly believe that if these people actually read my manuscripts, they’d enjoy them.  And I also believe that there is a sufficiently large audience out there to make the books profitable, all that’s required is a little marketing.  Oh well, if anyone out there can tell me what I’m doing wrong, I’d really appreciate it.  Well, that’s my contribution to cyberspace for today, Gentle Readers.

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Building a Website and an Audience

07/24/2009 at 4:44 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

I’m not sure how this thing;’s suppose to work but, my name’s Jessica (JJ) Erskine.  Among other things, I write novels.  Specifically, I write psychological/political suspense novels.  My novels are, as yet, unpublished.  And so….

     Early yesterday morning I launched my new website, a replacement for a geocities site.  The exercise taught me that building the physical site is easy.  However, contenting my site has proven somewhat problematic.  Finding just the right tone, as writers (like me) say, finding my voice is harder than I had hoped, harder than it was for my novels.  I’m still trying to find that ‘voice’.  Oh yeah, the site address:  I welcome any input through the “contact us” page of the site, as the site is a work in progress.

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Darwin and the Evolution of a Voice

07/24/2009 at 4:40 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

Well, today’s Wednesday, and, gentle readers, some of the reviews are in, my new website needs work.   Well, d’uh.  Actually, the input of my ‘Editorial Board’ (my friends and associates, and any of you who wish to comment) is extremely important to me.  I mean, we all want to believe the work we show to the world is perfect, profound possibly, perhaps even brilliant but, the truth is, as a writer, I’ve learned that I’m capable (on most days) of telling a good story (great one, only after many good days, and a few great ones).  On the other hand, most days is sounds better in my head, than what spits out of my computer (even after it’s spellchecked).  And the reason is simple.  Writing is skill.  Like designing buildings, painting a porrait or a landscape, or pitching a no-hitter in the 7th game of the World Series.  And like those other skills, it requires some tallent, a lot of pratice, and a little luck.  The same is true of my website.  I’m still new at designing and building effective (and efficient) websites.  However, with input from my ‘Editorial Board’, and a lot of practice, I might, one day, be considered a professional.  By definition, a professional is someone who is paid for something they do (hopefully well), and that’s where I’d like to get to with my novels and movie scripts (I write those, too).  I’ve been writing screenplays off-and-on for nearly 30 years.  But then, I wrote stage and radio plays, short stories, and poetry before that, going back 4 decades or so (ah hell, I’m getting old).  I must be off so, continue to check on the evolution of my site, and continue to comment on the content, and, of course, the look and functionality of the site.

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Hello world!

07/24/2009 at 4:05 pm (Uncategorized)

Welcome to This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

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